Growth

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The Corridor of Fear

You’re pacing a narrow corridor. It’s darkly lit. The light bulbs flicker on and off, making eerie noises. The hallway is suffocating and there seems to be no way out. When you come to one end you immediately about-face and turn to the other. Your body is as shaky as the lights. Your mind is racing, heart fluttering. You can feel the terror and dread set in. Your mind is thick, dense, and foggy. Nothing seems to make sense. Will anything ever be ok? You pace back and forth…between fear and fear. This is The Corridor of Fear. It holds you tightly in its grips. It reveals only problems, no solutions. It shows only darkness, no light. It keeps you stuck in its confines as you spiral deeper and deeper into its energy. Feeling like there is no way out. No where to go. The overwhelming feelings of powerlessness and stress ravage you until you are rendered emotionally paralyzed. Digging yourself deeper and deeper until all seems dismal. Trapped between fear and fear. Here you are.

Ok. So I know this opener is a bit dramatic (my high school English teacher would be proud) but guys, does this not accurately describe the experience of depression and anxiety? The feeling of being caught in an energy so thick, so seemingly large, that you cannot find your way out? Not only does suffering from it feel like absolute garbage, but so often you can’t make heads or tails of what’s happening until things in your life are already damaged – your health, relationships, work. The energy of depression and anxiety feed on you like ultimate parasites. Forcefully entrapping you into their web of lies and darkness. They take your thoughts and with what seems like herculean force, drag you into the depths of misery as they force you to compulsively obsess about what isn’t right, what needs to change, and how bad it all is.

This is all happening in your own mind. In your own internal world. The place you have learned to trust as your home-base. This makes it immensely difficult to zoom out and see that you are being preyed upon by these evil bloodsuckers… IF you are lucky enough to even realize what is happening at all. Gaining the perspective required so that you can witness the source of your stuckness requires great presence, strength, and determination. But it’s worth it, I promise. Just like breaking free from jail, you let yourself out of the worry holes, shame spirals, and bleak outlooks. When you find your way home and come back to yourself you realize that everything is pretty much right where you left it. All that other stuff, all those other worries…LIES. Lies that kept you stuck. Lies that kept you trapped. Lies that kept you pacing between fear and more fear.

Just like a real life horror film, anxiety and depression are AS BAD if not worse than the scariest villains in Hollywood. This evil technology implants itself into you…making you think, it IS you, and then lures your mind into a narrow, dark, scary place…without you even understanding what is happening. It feeds on you as you create more dark energy…as you become its power source. The more you worry, fear, and embed negativity into your life, the more powerful it becomes, and the more trapped you become by it. Obsessing over what went wrong, who is “mad at you”, and what a failure you are, literally gives these supervillains life. Yuck. 

So, I want you to notice. Are you pacing up and down The Corridor of Fear? Do your thoughts move seamlessly between worry and worry? Are your thoughts focused on negative past events or possible future failures? Do you speak so unkindly to yourself that if you spoke to a friend that way, they’d say you were being toxic? Do you obsess about the things you wish were different, unable to appreciate the beauty that you have right now? If the answer to these questions are, YUP…well, now you know where you are. You are trapped in The Corridor of Fear. I want to hand you a key to get out. You may feel ready, but I also want you to know, these supervillains will fight back. As soon as you step out, they will try to suck you right back in…so this is a process that takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you begin to notice and build this new quiet strength.

I now present you with *your escape route*. Open your eyes and scan the room/space you are in. Come into the present moment. Breathe. Notice where you are, your actual surroundings. Is everything ok, right in this second? (If not…like if your house is on fire, or your are bleeding profusely, then I want you to go take care of that now!) If so (meaning there is no imminent crisis), wonderful! You are letting yourself out. Begin to slowly come back into your body, feeling your feet on the ground, feeling your breath move your belly up and down. Think about what is ok. What you DO have. Open up to the wonders of what it means simply to be ALIVE. To be experiencing air, and water, and food, and music, and entertainment. Move into the simple beauties that exist all around you (like a comfy blanket or some pretty artwork.) If you notice your thoughts being magnetized back towards the shit-heap…then it means the supervillains are realizing their power source is dying (we can expect this to happen) so just come on back to all that is good right now. Moment to moment… to m o m e n t… to m. o. m. e. n. t. Keep on practicing this, every single day. Until it becomes a habit and the Corridor of Fear has released you from its grips.

…and today my friend you are on your way to becoming a superhero. Keep on fighting the good fight against those evil supervillains. You got this.

Sending you love in all ways,
Dr. Alix

in Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Fear, Growing Pains, Healing, Mental Health, Psychology, Relief, Self-Love, Spiritual Journey Posted by admin

Adult Growing Pains

As a kid, do you remember experiencing strange pains throughout your body? Wondering what they were…even feeling scared by the intensity of the sensation at times, and being told “Oh, those are just growing pains!” I remember feeling incredibly dismissed and frustrated with this rationale. “Growing pains??? But, growing is a good thing, it shouldn’t hurt, and THIS REALLY HURTS.” I wanted the sensation to be taken seriously…I wanted to get to the bottom of the pain, to understand why my body hurt and not be given some old wives’ tale in lieu of a scientific explanation. But alas the pain always went away and never manifested into anything that needed a medical diagnosis. Growing pains, indeed. As we age, growing pains remain with us; however, they no longer simply linger in our physical bodies but exist deeply in our emotional and mental spaces. In childhood comes our physical growth, and in adulthood comes the growth that results from a life lived. Both, painful.

All that a human has to endure in a single lifetime is absolutely unbelievable. I mean, human lives are filled with stress, tragedy, and loss (as they are equally filled with joy, communion, gratitude, and beauty). However, I have yet to meet a human who hasn’t had their success and happiness punctuated by despair and hardship in one way or another. This is just what it means to be human. The nature of impermanence that cascades through our lives can cause great emotional discomfort. So, what is an Adult Growing Pain? It is the pain that results from the responsibilities, losses, existential angst, relationships, and ultimately the journey of finding oneself that occurs in adulthood. The pain of coming to terms with the loss of a parent and understanding who you are in the world without them. The pain of losing a job and dealing with the stress and emotions that arise from it. The pain of feeling disconnected from yourself and not knowing how to get back to who you were or how to be who you currently are. The emotional trials of adulthood create immense growing pains…and I believe it is important to think of them in these terms.

Yes, I felt dismissed as a child because I wanted my parents to understand that the pain REALLY HURT, and I didn’t want my pain to be excused by some nonchalant reasoning. However, maybe my parents had a point? Can’t we recognize that we are going through Adult Growing Pains, while also acknowledging that they REALLY HURT!!! Because…holy shit, they do. But, if we contextualize them in this way, in knowing that this is part of what it means to be an adult, that in truth, being human guarantees that you will go through Adult Growing Pains, then couldn’t that help us understand some of what we are going through? Knowing that we are certainly not alone, and while we all experience the pain differently, that it is universal? That while people like to present glossy edited curated fabulous lives…they are going through growing pains just like everyone else?

Here’s the best part. Yes Adult Growing Pains hurt A LOT…so much more than the childhood ones, however their existence extends to us an invitation for GROWTH. Now, we can choose to RSVP: Will Not Be Attending to the growth portion and relish in the pain. The experience may in fact feel so overwhelming that we can choose to become our pain, to act it out in every aspect of our lives. For some, this may not feel like a choice…intense pain can knock people down into disorienting, dark, confusing spaces. However, if we understand that the pain is here simply to accompany our growth…as are growing pains for kids, we can use it differently. We can internally categorize our pain as growth. “Ok, my loved one just died and I am hurting so badly that all I want to do is disappear and crawl into a ball, and for now I need to grieve, but in time I know that I will grow as a result of this experience. I have become more connected to my emotions, to my vulnerability, to my sensitivity. I am learning how to cope with loss – because I have to and not because I want to, but I am growing.”

Growth as a human is extremely hard. I mean…EXTREMELY hard. Suffering abound, we grow only through our challenges, but this is where the beautiful parts come in. Once we grow, life becomes deeper, more nuanced, more complex. We appreciate all of the wrinkles and folds with our newfound perspective. We see things differently, we experience things differently. We are given an opportunity to see what we’re made of, what we can get through, and that gives us perspective on our own selves…on what rock stars we actually are! Our priorities shift… our existence shifts through Adult Growing Pains. While they hurt like a bitch, they can end up becoming sweet gifts if we give them permission to. If we allow ourselves the space to move through the pain and simply grow. Taking time to evolve through the dramatic shifts in our lives, as we allowed our physical bodies to expand in childhood. While we are not getting taller, we are getting wiser, increasing understanding and awareness, becoming more empathetic towards self and others, and expanding the gratitude we have for our lives. Growing is a good thing…and it shouldn’t hurt, but boy, does it. Growing pains, indeed.

Sending love and emotional ice-packs for the pain 😉❤️
Alix

 

 

 

in Emotions, Growing Pains, Mental Health, Psychology, Self-Love, Spiritual Journey Posted by admin