A Therapist’s Responsibility

As a therapist, I am in the business of holding space. As each session begins I tap into all of my senses so that I may fully experience the beautiful human on the other side of me (…or on the screen in front of me). In doing so I connect to their needs, their hurts, and their experiences. I feel into not only their words, but into the energy underneath their words, into their immediate stressors, into their life story, into the deeper parts that are hidden from plain view. The parts we all have. The parts that are often behind the wheel, driving our behaviors, our emotions, our internal and external experiences…but the parts who hide from our conscious awareness. Once we make contact it is like meeting strangers who live inside of us, that almost immediately become as familiar as family as we recognize their origins and their experiences. Just because we are therapists and we know about this stuff does not preclude us from having a human experience. Just like our clients we have these parts too. As we are working, we may feel familiar emotions arising, alerting us to a part that is being touched or activated by the parts of our clients. This invisible but very real exchange happening directly under the surface between therapist and client. A dance party of parts if you will, all intermingling together as they try to turn chaos or lethargy or panic into a beautiful choreographed dance. As therapists, we set up the dance floor, inviting our clients to show us “their stuff,” and as we watch their moves with kind eyes, we also must keep a keen eye on the dance floor, maintaining the cleanliness and safety of the environment. As therapists, WE are the environment.

I am a big proponent of therapists “doing the work.” Of knowing what emotionally exists inside of us so that when we are taking care of others’ emotions we also make sure to take care of our own. You see, we go deep with people. We connect with them on the most vulnerable levels, and when we show up in this space if our parts are not tended to they may show up in unwanted ways, interfering with our work or our ability to hold the space our clients might need. Beyond it just being good self-care to engage in our own therapy, emotional regulation or internal self-reflection practices, there is a practical and professional component here that remains essential to the benefit of our clients. Showing up with as much internal organization and MENTAL HEALTH as we can, will help them to feel seen, heard, and held in the ways they need.

The work here is in taking care of our own energy. Keeping it clean, nurtured, and respected. Being accountable for our own emotional processes so that when we show up for our clients, our resources are dedicated to them and not to managing our stuff while they are trying to show us theirs. I mean it’s inevitable that our stuff shows up…but the more we take care of ourselves, the easier it is to decipher, regulate, and respond to. The easier it is to adequately care for it. And look, our job is hard! We ingest a lot of emotion during the day. Our work requires immense mental energy, patience, and heart. The most valuable technology we have installed into our system is our capacity for empathy, validation, and self-reflection. We are the instrument in our work. So for example, after a long day of making delicious drinks an espresso machine at Starbucks must be thoroughly cleaned so that the drinks taste just as yummy tomorrow. As therapists we must make sure that after hours of usage we metaphorically clean ourselves up. We can do this by checking in with our emotional state, noticing what’s popping up for us on any given day, wondering if anything needs some love or work or support or attention…and this doesn’t just have to be in regard to our work, I mean we have lives too… am I right? No matter what needs care…this is our responsibility, to give ourselves this consideration and attention. To practice what we preach, and remember that we are just as deserving of care as all those we support and help each day.

With love, self-reflection, and getting your dance floor in order,

Alix