Adult Growing Pains

As a kid, do you remember experiencing strange pains throughout your body? Wondering what they were…even feeling scared by the intensity of the sensation at times, and being told “Oh, those are just growing pains!” I remember feeling incredibly dismissed and frustrated with this rationale. “Growing pains??? But, growing is a good thing, it shouldn’t hurt, and THIS REALLY HURTS.” I wanted the sensation to be taken seriously…I wanted to get to the bottom of the pain, to understand why my body hurt and not be given some old wives’ tale in lieu of a scientific explanation. But alas the pain always went away and never manifested into anything that needed a medical diagnosis. Growing pains, indeed. As we age, growing pains remain with us; however, they no longer simply linger in our physical bodies but exist deeply in our emotional and mental spaces. In childhood comes our physical growth, and in adulthood comes the growth that results from a life lived. Both, painful.

All that a human has to endure in a single lifetime is absolutely unbelievable. I mean, human lives are filled with stress, tragedy, and loss (as they are equally filled with joy, communion, gratitude, and beauty). However, I have yet to meet a human who hasn’t had their success and happiness punctuated by despair and hardship in one way or another. This is just what it means to be human. The nature of impermanence that cascades through our lives can cause great emotional discomfort. So, what is an Adult Growing Pain? It is the pain that results from the responsibilities, losses, existential angst, relationships, and ultimately the journey of finding oneself that occurs in adulthood. The pain of coming to terms with the loss of a parent and understanding who you are in the world without them. The pain of losing a job and dealing with the stress and emotions that arise from it. The pain of feeling disconnected from yourself and not knowing how to get back to who you were or how to be who you currently are. The emotional trials of adulthood create immense growing pains…and I believe it is important to think of them in these terms.

Yes, I felt dismissed as a child because I wanted my parents to understand that the pain REALLY HURT, and I didn’t want my pain to be excused by some nonchalant reasoning. However, maybe my parents had a point? Can’t we recognize that we are going through Adult Growing Pains, while also acknowledging that they REALLY HURT!!! Because…holy shit, they do. But, if we contextualize them in this way, in knowing that this is part of what it means to be an adult, that in truth, being human guarantees that you will go through Adult Growing Pains, then couldn’t that help us understand some of what we are going through? Knowing that we are certainly not alone, and while we all experience the pain differently, that it is universal? That while people like to present glossy edited curated fabulous lives…they are going through growing pains just like everyone else?

Here’s the best part. Yes Adult Growing Pains hurt A LOT…so much more than the childhood ones, however their existence extends to us an invitation for GROWTH. Now, we can choose to RSVP: Will Not Be Attending to the growth portion and relish in the pain. The experience may in fact feel so overwhelming that we can choose to become our pain, to act it out in every aspect of our lives. For some, this may not feel like a choice…intense pain can knock people down into disorienting, dark, confusing spaces. However, if we understand that the pain is here simply to accompany our growth…as are growing pains for kids, we can use it differently. We can internally categorize our pain as growth. “Ok, my loved one just died and I am hurting so badly that all I want to do is disappear and crawl into a ball, and for now I need to grieve, but in time I know that I will grow as a result of this experience. I have become more connected to my emotions, to my vulnerability, to my sensitivity. I am learning how to cope with loss – because I have to and not because I want to, but I am growing.”

Growth as a human is extremely hard. I mean…EXTREMELY hard. Suffering abound, we grow only through our challenges, but this is where the beautiful parts come in. Once we grow, life becomes deeper, more nuanced, more complex. We appreciate all of the wrinkles and folds with our newfound perspective. We see things differently, we experience things differently. We are given an opportunity to see what we’re made of, what we can get through, and that gives us perspective on our own selves…on what rock stars we actually are! Our priorities shift… our existence shifts through Adult Growing Pains. While they hurt like a bitch, they can end up becoming sweet gifts if we give them permission to. If we allow ourselves the space to move through the pain and simply grow. Taking time to evolve through the dramatic shifts in our lives, as we allowed our physical bodies to expand in childhood. While we are not getting taller, we are getting wiser, increasing understanding and awareness, becoming more empathetic towards self and others, and expanding the gratitude we have for our lives. Growing is a good thing…and it shouldn’t hurt, but boy, does it. Growing pains, indeed.

Sending love and emotional ice-packs for the pain 😉❤️
Alix