The Corridor of Fear

You’re pacing a narrow corridor. It’s darkly lit. The light bulbs flicker on and off, making eerie noises. The hallway is suffocating and there seems to be no way out. When you come to one end you immediately about-face and turn to the other. Your body is as shaky as the lights. Your mind is racing, heart fluttering. You can feel the terror and dread set in. Your mind is thick, dense, and foggy. Nothing seems to make sense. Will anything ever be ok? You pace back and forth…between fear and fear. This is The Corridor of Fear. It holds you tightly in its grips. It reveals only problems, no solutions. It shows only darkness, no light. It keeps you stuck in its confines as you spiral deeper and deeper into its energy. Feeling like there is no way out. No where to go. The overwhelming feelings of powerlessness and stress ravage you until you are rendered emotionally paralyzed. Digging yourself deeper and deeper until all seems dismal. Trapped between fear and fear. Here you are.

Ok. So I know this opener is a bit dramatic (my high school English teacher would be proud) but guys, does this not accurately describe the experience of depression and anxiety? The feeling of being caught in an energy so thick, so seemingly large, that you cannot find your way out? Not only does suffering from it feel like absolute garbage, but so often you can’t make heads or tails of what’s happening until things in your life are already damaged – your health, relationships, work. The energy of depression and anxiety feed on you like ultimate parasites. Forcefully entrapping you into their web of lies and darkness. They take your thoughts and with what seems like herculean force, drag you into the depths of misery as they force you to compulsively obsess about what isn’t right, what needs to change, and how bad it all is.

This is all happening in your own mind. In your own internal world. The place you have learned to trust as your home-base. This makes it immensely difficult to zoom out and see that you are being preyed upon by these evil bloodsuckers… IF you are lucky enough to even realize what is happening at all. Gaining the perspective required so that you can witness the source of your stuckness requires great presence, strength, and determination. But it’s worth it, I promise. Just like breaking free from jail, you let yourself out of the worry holes, shame spirals, and bleak outlooks. When you find your way home and come back to yourself you realize that everything is pretty much right where you left it. All that other stuff, all those other worries…LIES. Lies that kept you stuck. Lies that kept you trapped. Lies that kept you pacing between fear and more fear.

Just like a real life horror film, anxiety and depression are AS BAD if not worse than the scariest villains in Hollywood. This evil technology implants itself into you…making you think, it IS you, and then lures your mind into a narrow, dark, scary place…without you even understanding what is happening. It feeds on you as you create more dark energy…as you become its power source. The more you worry, fear, and embed negativity into your life, the more powerful it becomes, and the more trapped you become by it. Obsessing over what went wrong, who is “mad at you”, and what a failure you are, literally gives these supervillains life. Yuck. 

So, I want you to notice. Are you pacing up and down The Corridor of Fear? Do your thoughts move seamlessly between worry and worry? Are your thoughts focused on negative past events or possible future failures? Do you speak so unkindly to yourself that if you spoke to a friend that way, they’d say you were being toxic? Do you obsess about the things you wish were different, unable to appreciate the beauty that you have right now? If the answer to these questions are, YUP…well, now you know where you are. You are trapped in The Corridor of Fear. I want to hand you a key to get out. You may feel ready, but I also want you to know, these supervillains will fight back. As soon as you step out, they will try to suck you right back in…so this is a process that takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you begin to notice and build this new quiet strength.

I now present you with *your escape route*. Open your eyes and scan the room/space you are in. Come into the present moment. Breathe. Notice where you are, your actual surroundings. Is everything ok, right in this second? (If not…like if your house is on fire, or your are bleeding profusely, then I want you to go take care of that now!) If so (meaning there is no imminent crisis), wonderful! You are letting yourself out. Begin to slowly come back into your body, feeling your feet on the ground, feeling your breath move your belly up and down. Think about what is ok. What you DO have. Open up to the wonders of what it means simply to be ALIVE. To be experiencing air, and water, and food, and music, and entertainment. Move into the simple beauties that exist all around you (like a comfy blanket or some pretty artwork.) If you notice your thoughts being magnetized back towards the shit-heap…then it means the supervillains are realizing their power source is dying (we can expect this to happen) so just come on back to all that is good right now. Moment to moment… to m o m e n t… to m. o. m. e. n. t. Keep on practicing this, every single day. Until it becomes a habit and the Corridor of Fear has released you from its grips.

…and today my friend you are on your way to becoming a superhero. Keep on fighting the good fight against those evil supervillains. You got this.

Sending you love in all ways,
Dr. Alix