COVID-19’s Emotionally Hijacking Us

Undoubtedly, COVID-19 has been a horrific global calamity. Claiming over 100 million lives, shutting down nations, economies, schools. Burdening hospitals, leaving millions of families stuck in states of grief and despair, leaving recovered patients and healthcare staff stuck in states of emotional trauma and guilt. This worldwide phenomenon has been a nightmare. This “thing,” this virus, has claimed all of our lives in some way. It has shut down our norms, changed the way we do everything. We have developed massive fear around this invisible predator that may lurk anywhere – in our parent’s home, in the grocery store, at a restaurant. We have taken massive personal responsibilities to try to avoid this invisible killer, wearing masks, sanitizing everything and anything, avoiding interaction with loved ones, putting all of our lives on hold as this crisis has stormed the world.

For nearly a year now in the U.S., the lens through which we see everything is filtered through COVID-19. This constant anxious sensation regarding our status of being negative or positive, our worries about making sure we curb our behaviors to keep everyone safe, this general feeling of chaos and confusion – uncertain when things will return “to normal.” It has been an extraordinary experience, a massive paradigm shift in our American lives, where so often we watched things happening in far-off lands and thought “well, that would never happen here!” Well, here we are…and here it is, happening every minute of every day. Every time we put on a mask, we think about it. Every time we squeeze hand sanitizer onto our already dry hands, we think about it. Every time we refrain from hugging those we love, we think about it. It is a constant consideration in all that we do, and it is hard not to notice.

There is no avoiding it, all things COVID are continually smacking us in the face. However, in order to survive this crisis, many of us have had to do exactly the opposite of noticing it and avoid thinking about its impact on our emotions AT ALL. Because, if we paused and we really felt the fear, the grief, the sadness, the loss, the worry, the anger…if we really allowed ourselves to feel all of these things, it would hurt. The emotional pain we would feel in acknowledging this experience in its brutal actuality would be intense and overwhelming, because this has been such a life-altering big deal. In addition, this thing is still clamoring on with no clear ending in sight, and so breaking down to acknowledge the hurt without any resolution might feel emotionally inefficient…we get through it first and THEN we process and grieve and feel. And yet, even though most of us are not allowing ourselves to connect to our emotional experience, the feelings are there and operating in the background whether we see them or not. Just because we do not actively acknowledge these feelings, does not mean that they are not there. COVID-19 has hijacked our emotional life in a tremendous way, and contributes greatly to what we are experiencing daily.

Taking a moment to acknowledge the impact it has had on your life may feel quite hard while it may also feel emotionally liberating. Calling out your truth, as it is, without editing it can give you a sense of just what has been taking place in the background as you’ve had to trudge forward, adapt to this new extreme, and make it work as best as you can. Ask yourself, what has COVID-19 taken from you? What has it given you? What is your emotional reality as a result of this global pandemic? Let it flow, do not judge it, and accept that all of it is valid, real, and ok. If any emotions come as you acknowledge this, make space for them, allow them to be here with you. It is safe to feel what you feel here. This has been a huge life-altering ordeal.

Ok, I’ll go first! Here goes…COVID-19 has been on my mind for a year, it has been tremendously scary, and I have worried about getting sick each time I go outside. I worry about infecting those who are high-risk, I worry about how it is impacting my community, I worry about our healthcare providers who are overworked and experiencing trauma daily. I worry about the development of children who have been robbed of a year of socializing and in-person schooling. I worry about parents who are working full-time jobs and caring for and educating their kids simultaneously, I worry about burn-out and the emotional toll this is all having on families and individuals. I worry about the impact it is having on the mental health of our nation as suicide rates, divorce rates, domestic violence rates, and child abuse rates have increased over this period. COVID-19 has changed everything! I have not seen any of my clients for almost a year and everything I do happens on my computer screen. I miss human connection. I miss interaction. I miss hugs! I miss the freedom of not having to worry about potentially infecting others with nothing but my presence. I miss watching TV shows/movies and not feeling anxious each time there is a scene in a crowded room and people share drinks or touch. I miss not worrying about COVID anytime I see a loved one. I miss not having this constant COVID-related anxiety. On the other hand, as a result of COVID, I have also been given opportunities that I feel tremendously grateful for. In this time of quiet and separation, I have connected to parts of myself I did not know existed. I have been able to move to a place where I am surrounded by nature, which feels so glorious and nourishing. In the absence of a busy social calendar I have had the time and space to work towards deeper personal growth and self-love. I have grown so much more comfortable in being alone and am more comfortable facing and experiencing my emotions as they come. This has been a time of moving inward, and in this internal exploration I have discovered so many riches, which without this time or space I would never have been able to do. COVID-19 HAS changed everything. It has changed the way we live in the world by filling it with anxiety and the constant threat of endangerment, and also for me personally, it has allowed me to develop a new relationship with myself that has been so beautiful and worthwhile. I have so many mixed emotions here, anger, grief, sadness, worry, gratitude, satisfaction, peace. This whole experience has been a rollercoaster, and continues to be one.

COVID-19 has emotionally hijacked all of us. Allow yourself this recognition, and know that if you permit yourself to consciously feel what it is that you are already feeling, you will get through it. It may feel hard and painful, there may be tears or screams, but on the other side of it you will recalibrate. If you have children, check in with them too. They are feeling ALL of it, but do not have the language to discuss how hard this all is. Acknowledge with them that their whole life has changed, that they must miss their friends and their normalcy, that they’ve had to wear masks and haven’t been able to do things like go to the movies or have big birthday parties. Giving them this space to be upset about it will be so helpful for their emotional wellbeing. If you have had a particularly difficult time as a result of COVID-19 there are many resources for free mental health support and I encourage you to utilize them. Have someone witness and support you in your processing of this very traumatic time. You don’t need to go at it alone.

With great affection,

Alix