What does a therapist do, anyway?

Ok, I’ll set the scene. I’m at a party. There are lots of people I don’t know. I meet a new person and we begin to connect…in that way that people unfamiliar with each other connect. Soon comes the inevitable question…”What do you do for a living?” Preparing myself for the potential responses and with some trepidation in my heart I say, “I’m a psychologist.” In this instant realizing they have been unknowingly talking to a mental health professional, they reveal their reaction. Often there is a bit of surprise, sometimes anxiety, sometimes a deep opening up of their personal life. Each time I reveal to a new person what I spend my workdays doing, I witness unique and interesting reactions. The most common reaction I encounter is that of discomfort or anxiety which shifts me into the reassuring role of letting them know, “I’m off the clock!” or “I missed the mind-reading class in grad school…ha ha ha.” This seems to allay their initial concerns that somehow I might be able to suss out who they REALLY are or know things about them which they wish to keep private. These interactions which frankly happen more often than not lead me to believe that there is incredible mystery around my profession. This common response often leaves me wondering… what it is people think I do at work?

So…I’ve been thinking about that, about what it is “I do at work” and honestly it is hard to quantify, qualify, or articulate into a concise statement. While most therapists I know are open-minded, emotionally liberal, and inclusive individuals, what we do at work is confidential, private, cerebral, and internal. On the surface we have many ways of saying what we do… we support people’s mental health, we provide people a safe space to process emotions and experiences, we help people break unhealthy patterns and habits, we provide people with tools and skills to create more emotional balance…yadda yadda yadda. I can go on and on with these descriptive statements that mostly describe the outcome of our work…but while in session, face to face with another human, WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY DO? For some reason wrapping my head around the process in order to explain it has been difficult. Yes, it’s what I do every day. Yes, I have the title of Dr. in front of my name, and yes I went to 9 years of school in order to do what I do…and yet actually explaining what I do feels hard. Of course people at parties are confused…I have trouble explaining it clearly!

So, tonight while munching on dinner and reflecting on my profession…as one does, I realized something. In this realization I was able to simply describe a huge chunk of my work. Ok, ready for it? *Drum roll*…I am… an… AWARENESS BUILDER! Yes, this is what I do. On a day to day basis I support people in building internal and external awareness. Awareness of their emotions. Awareness of their thoughts. Awareness of their relationship patterns. Awareness of their experiences. Awareness of their challenges. Awareness of their reactions. Awareness of their desires. Awareness of their authentic selves. Awareness, awareness, awareness. This is what we do as therapists (along with many other things that perhaps another yummy meal will inspire me to write about) but yes, we help people gain awareness. Awareness so that our clients have the power to recognize and then to eventually shift the things that are no longer working in their lives. People want to know the HOW so quickly. People are eager to “fix” all the things, and yet one cannot fix or solve anything that one does not have awareness for. The WHAT, WHY, and WHERE must come before the HOW. Often, my role is to slow people down so that they can examine their experiences on a micro-level. What happened next – what was the thought that happened after that – how did that thought make you feel? – then what did you do? – then what did you feel ?- then what did you think? Let’s breathe, slow down, and feel into this feeling internally. What does it feel like? SLOWING people down to recognize and build awareness is what I do.

Most often we as humans only acknowledge our strongest emotions or most intense reactions, but there is SO much going on inside of us that we don’t pay attention to. These elusive inner-happenings contribute greatly to who we are and why we do what we do. Therapy supports the process which allows us to actually understand these things. It creates a space in which we can observe ourselves outside of a particular moment and take the time to learn who we really are. For example it might go something like… When you had that BURST OF ANGER that led to that explosive reaction… what was the context where that started and where that experience ended? What does it feel like internally when you have these intense emotions? What is the pattern for this emotional reaction within the context of your life – is this pattern familiar? Let’s talk about building awareness for things you can do inside and outside of these moments to regulate and support yourself… but only after you are aware of what is happening.

Therapy builds your self-awareness. It aims to create internal space so that you can respond instead of react to the never-ending stimuli you encounter. It allows you to look at the patterns and experiences in your life and move you towards greater understanding. It inspires curiosity in you about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Therapy honors you for the complex and deep being that you are. It acknowledges that there is so much more happening inside of you than meets the eye, and that those internal workings are deserving of attention and thought. That YOU are deserving of attention, understanding, and care as you discover once unknown parts of yourself. Therapy is a poetic personal experience in which through your own bravery, you allow another person to witness you as you reconnect to yourself. Truly, there is nothing more beautiful than this work…and for each human who allows me to accompany them on their journey I am honored, humbled, and grateful. For those of you who have never been to therapy because it seems mysterious, I hope that this inspires some understanding…and for those of you who meet a therapist at your next social gathering (whenever that may be!) I hope this puts you at ease 😉.

Yours in awareness & love,

Alix