We live in a fix-it society where quick solutions are sought after for every hardship (or not-so-hardship) we encounter. However, where society’s desire to compulsively solve has entered into dangerous territory, is in the realm of emotions. This appeal to fix emotions, as though they are abnormal, scary, or dangerous, is everywhere. The prevailing narrative about emotions in our nation is that happiness is always attainable and that we can have total control over our feelings. This creates a system that places blame on individuals for not being able to attain something that…let’s face it, isn’t even attainable in the first place.
Let’s be clear about something, emotions are not static. No one on this planet is ALWAYS in a state of happiness, relaxation, or peace. Our feelings shift from moment to moment. This is reality and is what should be expected. To believe that we have ultimate control over our emotions is an illusion. Feelings come and go, just as the weather shifts from day-to-day or even moment to moment. One day we may feel anxious, sad, or pained. The next day we may wake up and see sunny skies, with feelings of excitement, happiness, or peace in our hearts. While yes, there may be daily factors contributing to our complex emotions such as familial stressors or professional deadlines, sometimes there is no particular rhyme or reason for our feelings. Sometimes a good day is just good and a bad day is just bad. Sometimes it just is.
This idea that is broadcasted in our society that each day is “supposed to be” great and that if it is not, there is something we should be doing to fix it, is destructive. It leaves no room for the acceptance of emotions and may even inspire panic if feelings get big and overwhelming. It turns something that is as variable as the weather, into something that is meant to be unchanging and fixed. With the knowledge that our feelings can at times be as unpredictable as the weather, doesn’t it all make more sense? Perhaps it may even be relieving? It is ok to have a hard day; it does not mean that anything is wrong with you or that you’ve failed in some way. Kids and adults alike, we all have hard days or hard moments. It is completely natural and normal to feel things and to feel things deeply. It does not make us bad or sick or wrong. Emotions crave our acceptance, not our resistance and rebellion. Accept and acknowledge your hard, anxious, or stressful day. Learn to be ok with it. Just through recognizing it with a stance of acceptance, you are practicing self-care and self-kindness. This practice is transformative on its own.
Now, what is the difference between a bad day or a bad week or a bad month or a bad year? While yes, every sentient being on this planet may have a bad day from time to time or a bad week from time to time, but if you are finding that your emotions are not lifting and are persisting month by month, then it is time to ask for help*. When a negative feeling is sticking around for too long, so long that it becomes the norm, it signifies a blockage in your emotional arteries that requires some intervention. The ebbs and flows of emotional highs and lows are what we should expect and what we should strive for, not perfect and constant happiness, nor accepting a life filled with constant emotional pain.
In our world filled with glossy and dream-like representations of the “lives” of strangers on social media, and the unrealistic desire to live our lives in accordance with these overly edited and curated images, we must remember that reality is raw, it is real, and sometimes it is extremely hard. When a bad day crosses your path, just remember that the next will be new and filled with different experiences. Have some acceptance for the crummy day, and know that sooner or later, equilibrium will be restored. Create a list of things you know will help you get through bad days (e.g., reducing your workload, going for a walk, having a smoothie, meditating, being as gentle and kind to yourself as possible), and know that you are not alone in your experience.
*If you are experiencing prolonged states of depression, anxiety, or other emotional pain please do seek psychological care. Psychologytoday.com is a great website to find a therapist. You can call the number on the back of your insurance card to find referrals in-network or you can ask your primary care physician for some referrals. If things are severe and you are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide please go to your nearest emergency room for an evaluation. There are many resources that will help; you don’t have to suffer alone.
- https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- 1-800-273-8255
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)