Some people grow up just knowing who they are. Knowing with certainty what their likes and dislikes are, knowing what they’d like to pursue, and knowing that it is safe to be who they are in the world unabashedly and unapologetically. Those who come to this understanding at a young age have a great advantage in life. Yes, we are always growing and discovering different aspects of ourselves, however this foundational knowledge is immensely helpful to young souls as they traverse the world. It instills confidence, passion, and direction. It allows them to know themselves, their core values, and what they stand for.
Why is it that some people just know themselves, while many others lack this insight? It could be a character trait, the way someone comes into the world, or perhaps they were raised in a family culture where individuality was praised and self-awareness was accepted. No matter the reason a person comes to know themselves, it is a beautiful and important gift.
Then there are those of us (self-disclosure, I am in this group!) who did NOT grow up with this self-awareness. Who maybe, never even thought about who they were, who just existed, tried to fit in and meet everyone else’s expectations, and who didn’t even know that they were allowed to have a unique self. The people who never developed their passions, who never engaged in self-inquiry, or never recognized that individuality was something to be praised and not rebuked. Those who have spent the majority of their lives existing for others with unconscious fears about what it would mean to be themselves in the world. Fears because they never cultivated a self and the unknown is scary… or fears based on internal beliefs that who they actually are is boring or inadequate.
Unfortunately, when we turn away from our authentic selves it causes great internal discord. If we have never taken the opportunity to know and respect our true nature, we deny ourselves fulfillment and ultimately happiness. Yet, it can be so incredibly difficult to know who we are and be true. Why? Walls of fear and insecurity keep us from ourselves. Fear of how we will be perceived, fear of abandonment, rejection, judgment, risk, loss, etc. If we understood who we are, listened, and stepped into our truth, what would that mean for our relationships? For our professions? For our lives? Without having ever tried to express your unique self, the idea of doing this is at a minimum anxiety provoking, but maybe even terrifying!
However, fear and avoidance of our truth creates blockages in our character, relationships, occupations, and our lives. We may feel safe behind that wall; it is comfortable and we know what to expect. Unfortunately, this safety is an illusion. When we deny our truth, we are never safe. Without knowing who we are and how to be, we have to monitor ourselves in comparison to others. This creates judgment, jealousy, insecurity, and ultimately negativity in our lives. We will never feel like enough, because we have not taken the time to discover what enough means to us.
So, I write this with encouragement and hope that if you fall into the group of people who have not had the opportunity or courage to really get to know and understand yourself, than I ask that you give it a try! This could mean anything – there is no wrong way to do this. You might spend a day with yourself and see what it is you want to do when no one else is around. Journal about all of the things you love in this world (there is no thing too small). Think about what is really important to you in this life. Think about what you might do differently if you weren’t worried about what others would think. Whatever you come up with, do not minimize or judge it! Everything that is unique to you is beautiful. Praise and accept it. Even if all you can come up with is that you enjoy tea and flowers, that is great! Those are parts of you, part of what makes your heart sing. Do not discredit the details of who you are. The more self-discovery you engage in, the more you will be able to channel that knowledge into your actions and the more fulfilled you will be in your life. Pay attention and honor yourself. You are worth it, I promise!
Xoxo,
Dr. Alix